The big flesh-colored globe can be seen from a distance on the highway, enhanced by the bright yellow background of the giant billboard. Bold black letters call out to the motorists: “Bald? Act Now! Starting from 0.90 cts/hair”
This is an offer to make you hair stand on end! Try to imagine the metallic hook held by a white-clad surgeon, bending over to a poor, vulnerable bare head, getting ready to turn it into bloody tapestry-work…” So Mr. Jones, how much would you like to spend today? Well, sorry, it seems there it may end up costing a little bit more, is that OK with you?
Have you ever wondered how much it costs to cover a full-head? Should this, in your particular case, be a costly affair, do not lose hope but do appeal to your family’s generosity. The advertisement specifies that the clinic issues gift cards. Such a romantic proposition for a Christmas present! … although not totally devoid of risk, especially if your wife is stingy, broke or enjoys a joke.
“Darling, I really did not want to buy you a toupee…since you are an anti-fur activist… but I did buy you a gift card from the Hair Clinic. The great thing is, you will be able to choose the pattern, since, with our finances being so tight this year, I only got a $ 1,000 card, which means you can have as many as 1111 sprouts. Then we can finish the job next year when we are done paying for the new furnace…”
You always knew your wife had a knack for splitting hair…
Do no despair. There remains a 20-dollar alternative: marketing your baldness. This is definitely the right solution for millions of Americans who cannot suffer growing pains any longer and sport t-shirts reading “ This is NOT a bald head. This is a solar panel for a sex-machine.”
